Below are a few reflections on thoughts that we have had or that someone else may have expressed.
The purpose of these reflections is to help you connect with the thoughts others have experienced after a miscarriage. We hope these reflections bring you comfort and help you feel you are not alone in your sorrow. When appropriate, links to articles and resources will be posted with the reflections.
These reflections and their attached articles are not medical or psychological advice and any link to another article or resource is not meant as an endorsement of that company or person or their teachings.
The world may never notice, if a Snowdrop doesn’t bloom,
or even pause to wonder, if the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms, or ever comes to be,
touches the world in some small way, for all eternity.
The little one we longed for was swiftly here and gone,
but the love that was then planted, is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty, our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts says that we love you.
-Author unknown
The world may never notice, if a Snowdrop doesn’t bloom,
or even pause to wonder, if the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms, or ever comes to be,
touches the world in some small way, for all eternity.
The little one we longed for was swiftly here and gone,
but the love that was then planted, is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty, our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts says that we love you.
-Author unknown
Charism–Our Baby’s Special Purpose
In 2024, our ministry had a booth at the National Eucharistic Congress in Indianapolis, Indiana. It was a big undertaking that was more emotionally draining than I had realized it would be. I was away from my husband and young children for several days while surrounded by reminders of our own losses. Hundreds of women were telling me about their miscarriages and the sorrows, grief and sometimes regrets that accompanied them. There were so many tears and so many hugs.
After one particularly hard day, I felt depleted. Then I saw a Religious Sister whom I had met earlier. When she asked how things were going, I was honest with her. There was such a sense of relief and peace when I did that and allowed someone else to help me carry what I had been carrying. In that moment, I realized that when we are struggling with grief, whether it is our own or the grief of another, we sometimes have to open our hearts to someone to find healing.
Sister then mentioned the fact that my babies had a charism when they were conceived—a special task given to them by God to fulfill in their lifetime. She asked if I had ever thought that maybe the charism of my babies was to start this ministry and that my doing what I was doing was helping them complete their special tasks.
What a beautiful reality that all our babies, no matter how short their lives, were known and loved by God and had a special purpose. How much comfort and healing it can bring when we realize that we can carry on our babies’ charisms for them. Your baby’s charism does not need to be as complicated as starting a nonprofit organization. His or her charism may be to enable you to be more empathetic to other grieving parents or to help you have the right word to say to them. Looking at how your life has changed because of your little one, what do you think his or her charism was?
Healing Through Music
Sometimes a song that is written from the heart brings healing and comfort to both the person who wrote the song and the person who hears the song. As it is said, "he who sings prays twice." God wants to hear the songs in our hearts, even if it is a song of sorrow and grief. Kristen Rickards is a Christian songwriter who did just that. She wrote a beautiful song out of the sorrow of her miscarriage so that it could bless the hearts of others. She asked me if our ministry could use this song to bless the families in our ministry. The link to it is below. Thank you Kristen for this blessing!
“Miscare”
We have four young children who love to help with our ministry. Whether it is assembling our Miscarriage Supply Totes™ or helping with fundraising, they always want to be involved. The ministry has been a huge part of their lives and has helped shape who they are.
One day several months ago, our six-year-old left a note on my pillow with a drawing he had done of our logo and the words “Thank for starting the miscare ministre.” It has been sitting on my nightstand ever since and I see it every day. A few days ago, it struck me that his misspelling of miscarriage was actually correct. When we miscarry, we miss care—the care we would have given our babies if they would have lived. We miss the care that would have gone into bandaging their scraped knee. We miss the care that would have gone into helping them learn their first prayers. We miss the care that would have gone into helping them during so many other life events. It can be so easy to focus on all the missed care that we did not give to our precious little ones
However, God is asking us to not miss the care that he is giving to us in our time of grief. God asks us to draw close to Him and allow Him to show us the same care that He has for our miscarried baby. The care he has for our baby is greater than the care we could have ever given him or her. God wants us to see that we did not miss care of our baby but instead He has taken our care for our baby, increased it infinitely and has given that care to our babies for us in an even more perfect way.
Mother’s Day
On Mother's Day, please remember the hidden mothers who lost their babies to miscarriage. As brunches, gifts, and special recognitions happen, they are silently there. They are still mothers, even if the world doesn't know their babies exist. This year, don't forget to acknowledge the hidden mothers you know. A bouquet, a special meal, a visit to the baby's burial place, one of the mementos below or just a simple, "I remember you and am praying for you today" could mean a lot to a hidden mother.
Fathers
After a miscarriage, fathers are often heard saying they don't know how to talk about the subject with their wives. God created male and female differently, therefore, they can grieve the loss of their unborn baby in a different ways and that is okay. It doesn't mean the man isn't a good father or that he isn't grieving. Below are a couple articles that a man might find helpful.