A question that we are frequently asked is what resources are available for fathers–whether it is helping the mother deliver and bury the baby or it is helping fathers regarding their own grief process.
Unfortunately, fathers are sometimes the forgotten person in the miscarriage process. They did not have the physical connection to the baby that the mother had and they may process their grief differently than the mother. However, they are still the father and they have still suffered a tremendous loss.
We hope that the following will be of help to fathers. If there is something that you have found helpful in your own miscarriage journey, please let us know and we will add it to this list.
Books and Videos for Fathers
Delivery at Home
- Delivering a miscarried baby at home can be a very similar process to delivering a full term baby.
- Ensure that the mother is able to get plenty of rest and fluids.
- Heating pads or rubbing her back may be helpful to the mother if she is experiencing birthing pains.
- After the delivery of the baby, the father can take the role of cleaning the baby.
- Allow the father to cut the umbilical cord if that was his tradition with his other children.
Delivery at the Hospital
- Due to medications, fatigue, or other factors, the mother may not be capable of making decisions or expressing her desires at the hospital. The father is the one who needs to be the advocate for the mother as well as for the baby’s remains.
- Know that you have the right to bury your baby’s remains and ensure that proper arrangements have been made for that prior to leaving the hospital.
- If the hospital states that you cannot bury your baby’s remains, call a local funeral home with the request that they take custody of your baby’s remains for burial. We have a listing of supportive funeral homes here.
Support the Mother Can Give to the Father
- Men and women can grieve in very different ways. Allow the father room and time to process his grief. Do not feel that because he is grieving in a different manner than you, that he does not love you or the baby.
- Pray for the father during his time of loss. He needs God’s comfort and grace as much as you do.
- Thank the father for the support he gave you. Be specific so that he knows his care and love was noticed.
- Ask the father what would be helpful to him. Sometimes we are afraid to talk about our sorrow with those we love because we don’t want to see them cry. However, sometimes it is the tears and talking that brings the most healing.