You are not alone.
The Mayo Clinic states 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. Resources are available for repeat miscarriage and infertility.
A miscarriage is a baby lost prior to 20 weeks gestation.
A baby lost after 20 weeks gestation is considered a stillbirth and needs a death certificate.
You can name your baby.
If you do not know if the baby is a boy or girl, you can name the baby based on which you feel your baby is. Some people give the baby a combined boy and girl name if the sex was not known (example: Michael Mary). You can also name your baby for the saint whose feast day is on the day the baby died.
You can bury your baby.
Before burial, you should know your state’s guidelines regarding the burial of a miscarried baby. Some states do not have guidelines. Some cemeteries have a dedicated section for babies lost prior to 20 weeks gestation. Some people get permission from the cemetery to bury on the same site as a parent’s or relative’s grave. If you bury on a relative’s grave, some cemeteries will allow you to place a small stone on the site or a plaque on the existing monument if you want to mark the site of your baby’s burial.
If you miscarry, you have the right to bury your baby’s remains even if the miscarriage happens in a medical facility or the baby goes to pathology for testing.
Check with your medical facility regarding their guidelines for obtaining your baby’s remains. If possible, before going to the hospital and/or receiving anesthesia, let staff know what your wishes are, sign any necessary paperwork, and determine if you need/can bring a burial vessel with you. A funeral home may have to obtain your baby’s remains from the hospital if the lab will not release them directly to the family. There may or may not be a fee for the funeral home services. Many funeral homes provide free services for babies.
If you did not bury your baby, do not feel ashamed or guilty. You did nothing wrong.
There can be a lack of information given to women regarding the option to bury. You were in a difficult circumstance and made the best decision you could with the knowledge you had.
